The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman and Paul White

To buy copies of the book in bulk visit appreciationatwork.com  It is also available in other languages. 

Chapter 1:  What Employees Want Most

All of us thrive in an atmosphere of appreciation. 

Recognition vs. appreciation:

• Recognition is largely about behavior.  Appreciation focuses on performance plus the employee's value as a person.
• Recognition is about improving performance and focuses on what is good for the company.  Appreciation emphasizes what is good for the company and good for the person.
• Recognition is to-down while appreciation can communicated in any direction.

Appreciation "misses the mark" loses its impact when it is demonstrated it is not communicated in the receiver's primary appreciation language.

Chapter 2:  Why Appreciation Is a Good Investment

While 89% of managers feel employees leave for more money, the reason most employees leave a job are psychological in nature--including not feeling valued or trusted.  Gallup reports that 70% of the people in the U.S. receive no praise or recognition in the workplace. 

This is extremely important as researchers have found that employee turnover is one of the most significant causes of declining productivity and sagging morale in the workplace.  The employees most likely to leave are those who are the most talented, well-trained, and have the capability to make a positive contribution to the organization. 

What factors impact employees' level of satisfaction on the job?  The level of satisfaction is significantly influenced by the degree to which the employee feels appreciated by those around them--and engaged in their workplace and organization.  Employee engagement impacts customer satisfaction which can be the difference between success and failure.

Chapter 3:  Words of Affirmation--Appreciation Language #1

Praise for Accomplishments
Effective verbal praise is specific

Affirmation for Character
Character looks beyond performance and focuses on the inner nature of a person.  The character of an organization's employees is one of a company's greatest assets.    Character traits are in the long run far more important to an organization that specific accomplishments. 

Praise for Personality
Examples:  optimistic, neat, planner, logical

How and Where to Affirm

• Personal One-on-One
• Praise in front of others--Some research has shown that praise given in the context of a smaller group is more valued than awards given in front of a large group
• Written affirmation
• Public affirmation

If words of affirmation are to be most effective, they must be given in the context of a positive, healthy relationship...and they must be sincere. 


Chapter 4:  Quality Time--Appreciation Language #2

Quality Time means giving the person your focuses attention.  It is not proximity but personal attention. 

• Quality Conversation:  Emphatic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.  The focus is on hearing. 

        Maintain eye contact
        Give undivided attention
        Listen for feelings as well as thoughts
        Affirm feelings even if you disagree with their conclusions
        Observe body language
        Resist the impulse to interrupt

• Shared Experiences

Examples:  Going to conferences together, going out to eat, attending an event

• Small Group Dialogue

Some people do not feel comfortable talking to their supervisor one-one-one.  They feel less intimidated and more likely to share their thoughts in small group where the supervision is asking for ideas and suggestions. 

• Working in close proximity with coworkers in accomplishing a project

Spending time with others requires a positive attitude. 


Chapter 5:  Acts of Service--Appreciation Language #3

True leadership requires a willingness to serve others--either one's customers or one's colleagues.

How to serve effectively

• Make sure you own responsibilities are covered before volunteering to help others.
• Ask before you help.  "Would you like me to help you with that?"
• Sere voluntarily
• Check your attitude.
• If you are going to help, do it their way.  Ask, "How would you like me to do this?"
• Complete what you start.  If you can only give limited assistance, let the receiver know that upfront. 

Ask employees and colleagues (or supervisor!):  "Is there anything I could do for you that would make your work easier?"


Chapter 6:  Tangible Gifts--Appreciation Language #4

Giving a gift to someone who doesn't really appreciate gifts has little impact; the wrong gift can actually create an offense. 

The focus of this appreciation language is primarily on nonmonetary gifts.

The Who and What

1. Give gifts primarily to those individuals who appreciate them. 
2. Give a gift the person values.  Give a survey to find out what the person enjoys, his interests, etc.

Time off can be an extremely effective gift. 

Bringing in bagels or donuts (or chocolate) is another gift to show appreciation. 


Chapter 7:  Physical Touch--Appreciation Language #5

The touch that makes you feel affirmed may not make another person feel affirmed. 

There are benefits of physical touch in the workplace--beyond the concerns:  Appropriate touch has been shown to positively affect educational learning, emotional healing, and to create a sense of acceptance.

Cross-cultural researchers have found that a pat on the back is almost universally accepted as an act that communicates acceptance.


Chapter 8:  Your Least Valued Language

A person's lowest language of appreciation really is not important to them.  If we do not understand that this only makes them different, not weird, we can come to resent those who have a different language of appreciation.  We may feel that they are ungrateful, negative, and unappreciative. 

Successful managers seek to understand the other person's point of view. 

Communicating in our least important language takes more effort; it doesn't come naturally.  Yet, if this is the #1 primary language of someone else, it would behoove us to intentionally take the necessary time. 


Chapter 9:  The Difference Between Recognition and Appreciation

The vast majority of employee recognition programs aren't working. 

Recognition limitations:

1. Recognition focuses primarily on performance.  Appreciation focuses on the value of the individual employee.  All employees need appreciation, not only the high achievers.  Those who receive the rewards may be motivated to continue their high level of performance, but those who don't receive the reward probably won't be motivated.  Plus, when we feel appreciated, we are motivated to "climb higher."  When we don't feel appreciated, we tend to settle into mediocre performance.
2. Missing half the team: Words of Affirmation and Tangible Gifts don't reach everyone's desire for appreciation.
3. "Top-Down" Recognition:  Appreciation can involve everyone.
4. Significant Financial Cost

Recognition and reward programs can be ok, but an emphasis on appreciation and encouragement holds far greater potential.


Chapter 10:  How Appreciation Works in Different Settings

Appreciation in can work in any kind of work setting--manufacturing firms, family-owned businesses, schools, nonprofit organizations, businesses that provide financial services, medical/dental offices, churches, law, government, etc.


Chapter 11:  Volunteers Need Appreciation Too

Sometimes volunteers are more costly to the organization than the value of the work they complete.  Also, why they begin to volunteer is quite different than why they continue to volunteer.  The reasons they continue to volunteer fall into two categories:  social connectedness and perceived impact.  Most volunteers want to "make a difference."  Therefore, if we want to show them appreciation we need to address these two categories rather than rely on demonstrations of appreciation that has the feel of "one size fits all." 


Chapter 12:  Can a Person's Language of Appreciation Change?

Under certain circumstances, like an illness or death in the family, or different life stages or different people may change a person's primary language of appreciation for a certain period of time. We can ask, "Would this be helpful or meaningful to you?"  We need to remember that people are experts on themselves. 

The best managers are those who know their people well, continue to get to know them, and make appropriate changes as needed. 


Chapter 13:  Overcoming Your Challenges

The question is not, "Do you appreciate your workers?"  The real question is, "Do they feel appreciated?"

Challenges:

1. Busyness:  The best way to overcome busyness is to prioritize. 
2. The Belief That Communicating Appreciation is Not Important for Your Organization
3. Feeling Overwhelmed with Existing Responsibilities:  Accept the resistance of others and encourage them to volunteer to participate when they are ready. 
4. Structural and Logistical Issues
5. Personal Discomfort with Communicating Appreciation
6. The "Weirdness" Factor: 

• Acknowledge it
• Relate to other life experiences--learning or doing something new
• Provide tools to get past the weirdness like saying, "I know you probably think I am doing this because of the language of appreciation training, but I really do...."  Or use humor to diffuse the situation.
• Give the benefit of the doubt to coworkers and accept their actions as being genuine.

Chapter 14:  What If You Don't Appreciate Your Team Members?

First:  Sort out of own issues.  We may have unrealistically high expectations of our team, expecting more than they are capable of performing.  If we are driven, we may drive others which can sometimes be quite overbearing.   If this fits us, we must minimize our expectations so that we can genuinely appreciate the hard work of those we supervise.  This includes those who may "get under our skin."

Second:  The issue is performance.  Some reasons people underperform:  1) low work ethic, 2) not adequately trained for their responsibilities, 3) the organization does not have in place an effective process for review, feedback, instruction, correction. 



Chapter 15:  The MBA (Motivation by Appreciation) Inventory

Core principles:

1. There are different ways to communicate appreciation and encouragement to others.
2. An individual will value a certain language more than another.
3. The most effective communication of appreciation and encouragement occurs when the message is sent in the language of appreciation most valued by the receiver.
4. Message of appreciation and encouragement in languages not valued by the recipient will tend to miss the mark.